Omg, Another Entry…

…in the same month! Ya’ll should be proud of me. I don’t know if it’s the meds, but I have been a writing beast this week!

I am over halfway done on Stolen’s new rough draft, on chapter 10 of what is now out of 16 chapters instead of 14, and I’ve started a new, secret project that I am really excited about. It’s still in the planning stages (character names and development, outlines, etc), and I’m afraid to really go into details in case you all get excited about it and then I never finish it. If I do finish it, the hope is that I can put it out between The Lost and Found series and the In The Night series. It is a stand alone, so it’d be perfect for that, and is a bit different than what I’ve been writing so far, but it’s still in the YA romance fantasy genre, though I don’t think it qualifies as paranormal, but we’ll see.

As many of you should know by now, unless you’re a new follower and have not read my past entries, while I have always struggled with anxiety and depression, I have now officially been diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. I go through hypo-manic and depression phases, but I have more depression phases than hypo-manic ones. I’ve been playing with lowering my processed sugar intake (not cutting it out completely, just lowering it) because it could be a trigger, and I think I’m right. Last night I had a lot of sugar. A Lot. Granted, it might be because I’ve been eating less of it this week (like I said, I haven’t cut it out completely), but it’s also only been a week, not a month, but today I’m having some trouble focusing on tasks, and my brain feels like it’s buzzing a bit, so I might be investing in sugar free stuff from now on. This is going to be interesting.

May Update

So, I finally writing again! One of my biggest fears was that, once I was on my medication, the words would stop. It’s silly, since I’ve been writing since I was, like, 6, but I’ve heard stories where hobbies you picked up without meds go away with meds. Well, now that I’m somewhat balanced, I’m back!

So, quick Stolen update. I’m am now on Ch. 9. I’ve added three new chapters, and 10,000 words to the original. It feels so much better now, and I believe it is becoming what it was supposed to be all along, before Grace butted in and took over. Right now, most of what I’ll be doing is adjusting the old chapters to fit the new ones, but there’s still plenty of new text to be added too. School’s out now, so hopefully I will get this book done by August. My ultimate goal is to have Stolen and Taken beta ready by August, but I refuse to rush them this time- defeats the whole purpose of the rewrites.

What Bipolar II Disorder means to me!

So, in the spirit of Mental Health Awareness Week, I am using my “grandiose phase” to write an entry about my doctor appointment today!

I have officially been diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder instead of just depression and anxiety disorder. So, what has been happening this last couple of months is that I was in (my first) full blown hypomania phase. Then I had to come down from it. This is not normal, and so won’t happen often. It’s basically when everything in me and around me becomes super intense, and it takes longer to recover from. It was triggered by being on too high of a dose of my medication. I am now in a slightly more normal  “Grandiose” phase, which means I have a lot of energy and excitement, and feel like i can do anything (within reason). This also means that this weekend I will probably have no energy and will get nothing done, which will trigger my depression phase.

Notice the pattern? A week of getting a lot done and feeling excited about a productive weekend, only to do nothing that weekend and then feel depressed about it? This is how I’ve been all of my life, and now that I can see it, it makes so much more sense.

So, hopefully now that I have this official diagnosis, we can get me on the right amount of meds that everything evens out. No Grandiose phase=no crash=no depression phase.

So why do I have Bipolar II and no Bipolar I (aka just Bipolar)? Because if I had Bipolar I, I might have had a Mania phase instead. Those happen often with Bipolar I (I would have had at least one by now, if not more), and usually result in a lot of risk taking behavior, like excessive drinking, sex, money spending (especially when you don’t have any), and just doing stuff that you normally wouldn’t do, and would likely regret once you can out of it. Mania episodes usually last long, and you crash harder, making them harder to recover from.

I’m actually lucky, because my hypomania phases are barely there, and they only last a week instead of potentially months, so I usually recover from them in a couple days. Now that I’m medicated, they shouldn’t even happen, so while I won’t have crazy energy and excitement, I will have have some, and I won’t need to recover from them.

What does this mean for my readers? Hopefully this means my writing will go back to how it was in March, before my intense hypomania phase. I can’t promise anything, since we’re still figuring the meds out, but that is the goal.

May Check In

At this point, my goal is going to be to make monthly posts, since weekly posts don’t seem to be possible for me right now.

So, I am about halfway through the Stolen rewrites. I’ve added two completely new chapters, along with fixing the others. Now it’s just about readjusting the story line to fit the new events, so hopefully work on it should speed up, especially since school is basically over for the semester.

Right now, my struggle with depression and anxiety is taking priority. I restarted medication in February, but it has not been going well. I have an appointment tomorrow to try something new, so hopefully there will be an improvement on my work ethic. I have been having states of constant brain fog, of zero motivation, as well as major issues focusing. In other words, I was functioning better without medication than I am with it right now. I barely got my work completed, and, to be honest, it was not the best I could have done.

So, right now, this summer is about healing and relaxing, along with working. I will start seeing a counselor for some other issues that have come to light, I will continue to see my doctor and try medications, and I will be attempting a technology diet. I say diet, not fast, because I will still be checking Facebook, but I will attempt to keep it to twice a day, along with still checking email, texts, and messages as they come. I will use my Kindle for reading instead of my phone, since my Kindle doesn’t have another abilities besides reading, and I will be doing the majority of my writing in actual notebooks instead of processors, though I will still type up what I write eventually.

I already did a light attempt at it, and wrote more than five words for the first time in weeks, so I think this is exactly what I need.