June Update

It’s month update time! I know, I really put it off, but, in my defense, I’ve been busy!

I have now finished the new rough draft of Stolen, and, you guys, it makes me so happy. There’s plenty of editing to do, but I ended up adding about 10,000 words to it, before edits, so, needless to say, it’ll be quite a different read. Now that Stolen is being edited, I’ve started on Take, which needed more work than I was expecting. I’m about halfway done with it, since it’s still less work than Stolen needed, so my goal is to have it’s rough draft finished, and to have Stolen ready to send out to the beta readers by the end of June.

While doing this, I have also been working on the outline for Lost. I’ve had to figure a lot of details for it already, but I’m hoping that by super outlining it, I can write it a lot faster than the other two. My goal is to start typing in July and have the rough draft finished before school starts in August. The Ultimate Goal is to have it beta ready by then, but we’ll see.

I also started working with someone about the covers. It’s someone who has read the original books, so I can only imagine how awesome she’ll do. I’m starting now because 1. It gets them taken care and out of the way, and 2. Because it gives me time to pay them off before I need them. While my job continues to pay more and more, I still have to make sure I have bill money ready at the right time. I’m thinking I’ll only have eBooks available this time, and then do prints later, when I’m able to decide whether I can do signings next year or not. That, or if that many people want signed copies of the new version.

My hope is to have everything ready for release by January of next year, and be able to release them at a steady pace, a few months apart, but we’ll see. I’m still not sure how to handle the end of the book. I know how I want it to end, but I’m not quite sure how to get there.

Oh, and I am also starting the clean up of a room that, though it’s going to be used for storage, will also hopefully house an office space for me! It’s an extra room that goes unused now, and one of the walls has built in shelves, so if I lean off and move one of the desks over to it, I’d have the perfect little office space! More details *hopefully* next month!

A peek into depression.

Depression is not always about being sad.

I have absolutely no energy or motivation today. I’m able to make myself work on writing stuff and knitting, but even then I still have to convince my body to actually pick the required materials up, and then my mine to focus on them. Am I sad? Nope, I’m actually feeling pretty content, but my body is like, nope.
Now, some people might call this “being lazy”. Heck, my husband thought the same thing until he understood what was really happening. That my body is making every move a struggle, and that, as I sit here, thinking about all the things I should be doing, that needs doing, I’m fighting guilt that I’m a horrible wife, and a disappointment. That guilt will eventually eat at me until my brain succumbs to it, and I end up in tears over a silly comment my husband makes, not realizing what I’ve been doing to myself all day. 
Being aware of what’s happening only makes it worse sometimes. I know what’s going to happen, and yet I still can’t make myself make my body move. This will add to the guilt, which will add to the explosion that will eventually follow. God willing, it won’t happen at work tonight (which it has a few times, but was contained to the bathroom or my car, and was not actually related to what was said to me.)
This is why medication and mental health care is so important. Once my meds are figured out, these dark days will lessen, and be less serious. Everyone has bad days, so I will still have them, but they won’t be the kind that make me feel like the world would be better without me. But I don’t have to feel this way, and you don’t either.